"Five 'til Midnight"

Here at five 'til midnight,
I ponder the meaning of life.
The digital clock ticks slowly,
Slowly, slowly,
The digital clock chimes softly,
The dawn of another night.

Here at five 'til midnight,
Everything makes sense.
I can make things better,
Wonderful, better,
I can change the bad world,
If the world would just relent.

Oh here at five 'til midnight,
I'm just too tired to care.
My eyelids droop so softly,
Sleep sweet, softly,
The Sandman waits to hold me,
I am almost there.

I close my eyes at midnight,
And wish the world farewell.
Another day is gone now,
Past now, gone now,
Another day as left me,
No more tale to tell.

"For You"

Oh love, you effervesent plague,
You sour me with your smile.
Your caresses and smiles ever vague,
Your kisses so stained with denial.
True passion was only derision,
And power for me was just pain.
You force me to reach my decision,
Though its making is truly in vain.
My skin can take no desecration,
My mind cannot handle the curse.
I must suffer and sigh for salvation,
Or my condition will only be worse.
I pray that I'll one day forget you,
That amnesia will sweep me away.
I lied when I said that it was true,
And believe me, I do rue that day.
So farewell, my malignant angel,
Goodbye, the scourge of my heart.
There's no more soul left to tangle,
And the time has come that we part.

I am a rose . . . virginal, white,
A delicate bud in a field of flowers.
Softly springtime kisses my petals,
Life is serene, sublime.
I feel a sting, my sister is stolen,
Picked by some frenzied poet.
The object of his affection's object,
She's doomed to be crushed in a lady's fingers.
I grow my thorns, they shield me,
And in learning I open to the sun.
I look for answers and find nothing,
My white is traced with red.
Oh, but thorns are not enough,
Oh but life is not so won.
Between my barbs a finger presses,
And I, too, am stolen from the earth.
I am a rose . . . tired, dying.
My white has changed from bright to gray.
Nothing left of life is in me,
I sit and wait to waste away.

I feel like crying,
Screaming, dying.
Down, down to the abyss I go.
Sad songs singing,
Furies bringing,
Me to places I do not know.
Holy Bible,
My one rival.
There's nothing for me on this plane.
It's too late,
Can't quell my hate.
I find I tire of this game.

This mirror must be lying,
This face cannot be mine.
The volume of its horror,
Sends chills along my spine.
The pale skin cracks and fades,
This visage brings me pain.
This person can't belong to me,
The thought drives me insane.
The dye fades off my hair,
The spark flees from my eyes.
My soul is cankered, too,
From my multitude of lies.
Do you see this child?
Do you see her mask?
Is this me?  Dear God, it's me!
"Why me?" is all I ask.

Oh where have you gone, my lady of lies,
Who used to tell such tales?
Of sorrow and hatred and happiness too,
All gothic and bewailed.
Oh where have you gone, deceitful wretch,
I miss the outpouring stench,
That flowed from your mouth as you let forth your voice,
And made my stomach wrench.
Perhaps you are dead and buried away,
Perhaps your damned corpse is alive.
I promise you dear, if I were there and not here,
There'd be no chance that you would survive.
You wrapped an angel in your web,
And laughed there as he screamed.
But you had to make it all disappear,
When you realized it's not what it seemed.
Nobody loves you, black-lipped whore,
Who steals from the body and soul.
These words that I write come from MY core alone,
And too bad, they aren't yours to control.
 

There will never be pain, in our personal Eutopia..
There will never be tears, when you're in my arms.
We'll be angels in Hell and sinners in Heaven..
I'll take you away and shield you from harm.

There will be no lies, when we are together,
There will never be hurt as we give ourselves away.
There will always be passion and love, yes, forever,
But this is so distant...I wish for today.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the evilest of all?
Little girl me, I know,
It's the only answer to the riddle I face every day,
No truth in lies, no lies in me,
There is no reality in my painted world.
Gods and demons, why the hell do I bother?
They're just manifestations of an idle brain, a child's mind.
Oh little girl me, I know,
I know so little and think so slow.
Makeup drips down my cheeks in a pool on my breast,
I scratch jagged lines in my ravaged face with nails I cannot feel,
I pray for rain and die in sunshine,
I hope for sin and sin for hope,
I know nothing that is anything.
Oh little girl me, I know,
Just a demon in a witch's clothes.
Cast a stone, you hypocrites,
Light a match and watch me burn.
You don't see my tears, my fears, my anything,
See what you believe,
Hate what you fear,
And turn away from the truth.

Violin strings.
I hear them softly, slowing, lulling me like a mother,
A mother I never had, and never really wanted.
But I hear them.  And I hear your voice,
Your sweet, dark, voice.
I hold your hand, and you clasp my cold fingers,
Like you really care . . . Do you really care?
Who knows anymore, but who really needs to,
This is perfection.  Your voice, violin strings.
Love.  Love, that word . . . that word . . .
It smiles as it stabs me with a thousand needles,
Every ounce of pain is one soon forgotten,
But immeasurably enjoyed.
Smile . . . smile at me.
Yes, these violin strings are talking to me,
Your voice is lulling me to sleep,
Sleep against your chest,
My dark hair cradled against you.
Held in your arms.
Yes, my friend, my dear, my cherished one.
This is more than infatuation.
This is love.

He is my angel doll, he's made of clay,
And as I reach for him he fades away.
I hate the gods for ever making me feel so,
But this could be true love and I just have to know.
Oh why couldn't it be easy, he is so far,
His loving words are golden claws, my soul they mar.
I want him more than anything I've ever known,
I'll repay him some day for all the love he's shown.
But now there's only darkness in my bed at night,
In the black there is no intermittent light.
I cry myself to sleep, then dream of him,
If feels like Heaven and it feels like sin.
God, I hate you for this blessed damned love,
I'll tear you from your throne as you watch above.
You cold and calculating evil fool,
You think that over my heart you can rule?
You're right . . . I conceed to that, I may in time,
Just make this one fine angel truly mine!

I am the Sandman's paramour, the dreamlord is my love,
He watches God's sheep slumber from his throne so high above.
And I sit on his knee and watch eternity pass by.
Forever until Heaven, my beautiful Sandman and I.

His eyes are pools of darkness and his hair's as black as night,
His lips are mine for kissing, to his blackness, I'm moonlight.
I'll be his slaves in cuffs of silver as infinity comes nigh.
Forever until Heaven, my lustful Sandman and I.

Oh, God thinks he can stop me, that he can douse my flame,
But the cross of love upon my back I bear devoid of shame.
I'll kiss those gothic lips and see as suns, they die.
Forever until Heaven, my loving Sandman and I.

The stars all supernova, it's the din that keeps me sane,
But throughout all the madness, my love will never wane.
We are the eternal, I'll hold him as we die.
Forever until Heaven, my blessed Sandman and I.

"To My Martyed Angel"

He is intoxicating...when I hear his voice I want to die in his arms.
He is liberating...he tells me everything I am and I know it's true.
I'd die for him, I would...
I'll cry to him, I will...
I love him, God, I love him,
Bring my angel here to me!

His every word is poetry...he is music to my soul...
I want to give myself to him,
Sacrifice my life to him..
He is my god...my angel...mine.

I dream at night that our lips meet,
Though it all seems so impossible.
I'll tear down Heaven and freeze over Hell,
And laugh as Satan cries...to see his face.
Nothing stands in front of my desire....for long...

I want him more than anything...
I'd shoot the stars out of the sky...
A thousand burning deaths I'd die...
Bring my angel here to me!

I see your tears fall,
Gliding silently down your cheeks.
Your pale eyes, those tortured features,
Cry for the pains of mortality.
Oh you, my martyed angel,
Feel every knife, hear every scream,
Left to survive the world's suffering.
I watch you from the shadows,
A Gothic Goddess, I hear your cries.
They touch my heart, ravage my soul.
You and you alone have pierced my apathy,
I cannot bear to see you cry.
Silent as a whisper, I meet you at your side.
My hands run through your hair, o'er your face.
They're stained crystal from your anguish.
My lips meet yours in brief chaste passion,
Which quickly turns to lust.
You corrupt me as I purify you.
Our souls become one, we become one,
And I ascend to the heavens with you at my side.

I saw him and I died.
There are no other words to describe,
The melting of my soul, like wax,
A feeble candle under his great flame.
My heart afire, burning for his touch,
Which would ignite me yet again.
Oh God, thank you,
To send me such a blessed angel!
I promise now to be a better soul,
Oh, unless he wills it not.
I'd chain myself to desecrated altars for him,
Burn myself, cut out all my thoughts,
Be anything, do anything, I would.
Just left him enfold me, embrace me,
Engulf me.
If he will be forever mine,
I am forever his.

And then it begins.
You say your farewells to sunlight,
You watch the sun's gentle golden rays disappear one last time,
One final, final time.
You watch every star come out,
You cannot conceive that you will one day know them by name,
Every star in the sky will be your best friend sometimes.
But you do not know that now, staring into the depths of early night.
And you turn to her, that sensual visage.
Her hair is black as raven wings, curled slightly,
It shimmers on her fair breast.
Her eyes are as deep as a thousand oceans,
Shining green and fresh, sentient and sad.
And she embraces you, enfolds you in her world,
You're too drugged by lust to cry out.
She kisses your lips and you nearly die away,
You never feel the bite...the pinpricks of sweet agony.
And the world fades away, like a photograph,
Dying before your eyes,
As you die . . . kissing the night . . . kissing her hair.
It all fades away, and disappears.
Her wrist is forced to you lips, and you open your eyes.
The moon glares at you harshly, you never remember its rays so burning.
Then you taste it . . .
Sweet ambrosia, no nectar like it in all God's damned realm.
You take her fragile wrist and brutally drink,
Demanding more and more.
Then you die again . . . all the pain of death embraces you, like her,
But apathetically.
Death does not care how loud you scream.
And cry out you do, to the merciless God, to the pitying angels,
Who can do nothing to ease your plight,
You've left their world to dance the dance of Hell.
And as it drains away, you see her in a different light,
Your mother, your lover, your maker.
The moon is now your mother,
The animals your food.
A dead heart beats within your chest.
You are new.  You are rebuilt.
And so it begins.

"Immortal Love"

Do you dream of melancholy?
Do you harbor thoughts of death?
Do you wish for true damnation?
I'll scar you 'til nothing's left.
Kiss my lips, my gaping wounds,
I am open here for you.
You're my fire, my true ire,
Kiss me, dear, and I'll kiss you.
Love is just a fading memory,
I hold thoughts more dear than that.
Darling, lover, hold me closely,
I don't want to be so sad.
Dreaming here in silent midnight,
Wrapped up in my star cocoon.
Kissing your scars, you touch mine,
Ectasy can fade so soon.
There's a dream within a dream,
At least that is what Poe he said.
I hold on to this one vision,
All that's left in my dead head.
Kiss me sweet until the sunrise,
Hold me in your rotting arms.
I will be your puppet dead girl,
I won't bring you any harm.
Kiss me, kiss me, in the moonlight,
Hold me, hold me, til we die.
I will live forever after,
While I watch your life pass by.
Immortality, my lover,
Immortality, my dream.
Immortality, I want it.
Immortality, my cream.
Hold me, hold me, in the darkness,
Kiss me, love me in the night.
Moonlight rising, bad mood tiding,
Emptiness I cannot fight.
I am your god, you my angel,
Let us take it to cloud nine.
This is sweet forbidden love,
You're my slave, I've made you mine.

"A Girl's Despair"

There are no words to explain this emptiness,
The pain I feel when I see the lips of lovers meet.
Easy love, free love, in the shadows,
Something that is not meant for me.
There are no explanations to detail this hurt,
There is no reason to analyze the guilt.
The sorrow of all the chances passed,
The anger in my utter lack of will.
I wish sometimes that I understood this,
That I could find some kind of forgiveness here.
There are moments when I think I can do it,
But I know inside that I will never heal.
The faces of angels and devils alike inspire,
Their divine forms burn an image in my mind.
Forever forging feelings that I cannot kill,
Installing dreams to leave my life behind.
I would kill for someone else's life now,
I would die a million times to feel a kiss.
There is nothing in my soul that smells of love,
Nothing in my heart that hints of bliss.
God, you tantalize me with these thoughts,
You kill me with my foolish adolescent need.
You understand my every weakness and still,
You sit upon your throne and watch me bleed.
Satan, I applaud your wondrous show,
You've twisted my dead eyes and made me see,
That there is no happiness in life and none in death,
My heart is a lock and no one holds the key.
Could it be I'm just the ice angst queen of misery,
And no one in this life was meant to be my mate?
Is there any way that I can feed my hunger,
A solution to quench this thirst I cannot sate?
Ah, I see it now in quiet solitude.
In wretchedness and loneliness whereat I sit.
Where my dreams meld with desire to form,
A sickly kind of lonely young respite.
Oh, my lonely angel, you don't know,
The hell that I endure each passing day.
You do not know the passion that I feel,
You're blind to the emotions with which you play.
My heaving bosom is a heartless husk.
My mind is but a swirling downward spiral.
There is no release from pain and suffering,
There is no hope for those locked in denial.
So I shall stay within these shackles built of love,
Shall forever remain a young girl with a dream.
And will for eternity suffer in this mindset,
Crying within, no matter how without I seem.

"Death Becomes Thee"

I walked into the parlor,
Beheld the coffin in my gaze.
I remembered the soul that once was there,
Reminescing in the old days.
Your face was pale as snowfall,
Your eyes no longer blue.
Your hair looked frail and weak there,
And then again, so did you.
They'd painted pink on your lips, dear,
And tapped your cheeks with rouge.
Your hands were neatly folded,
As if they'd been put there by you.
A dozen white roses on your breast,
Covered smells of death and decay,
And sometimes, even now, I wonder,
If you would have wanted it that way.
Dressed like a wedding for your funeral,
As if you could actually see.
But I must say that you were beautiful,
Death certainly becomes thee.

It was a quiet midnight o'er the graveyard on the hill,
The trees were dead and broken, the air was cold and still.
And from the darkness came a sound of hellhounds out to play,
That cause the sky to grow and writhe like some disfigured day.
The graves turned o'er like trapdoors, and out came rotting hands,
That gripped the dirt above them and pulled bodies up to land.
Eyes that glowed like diamonds beamed across the sickly sky,
As out and out came those damned souls that didn't want to die.
Women found their husbands, and locked in an embrace,
A bridegroom met his widow, dressed in eaten lace.
And there they danced like hellions in the graveyard on the hill,
The bludgeoned and the peaceful, the diseased there, and the killed.
But as the birdsongs started, fear wormed into their dead hearts,
They gave their lovers a last goodbye, knowing they'd to part.
They went back to their fliptop graves and dug into the ground,
The sky was calm with coming dawn, the wind made not a sound.
And there's the story of the day the dead came back to life,
With one more chance to make amends and ease eternal strife.

"She"

She sees me as a villain,
She sees me as a tramp.
She sees me as a hooker,
She sees me as a scamp.
She doesn't understand,
That in this world of lies,
Happiness is misery,
And all true love dies.
She sees me as a vixen,
She sees me as a whore.
She sees me as a demon,
She sees me wanting more.
She doesn't understand,
That in this world of dreams,
Ignorance is innocence,
And nothing's as it seems.
She sees me as a mother,
She sees me as a saint.
She sees me as a little girl,
She sees me as I faint.
She doesn't understand,
That as I lay me down,
Her hate for me grows stronger,
And I twist her heart around.
She sees me as a lover,
To the one that she holds dear.
She sees me as the creator,
Of her every fear.
She doesn't understand,
She knows she cannot be,
All the things I have become,
And so she'll just hate me.

In the rhythms of darkness,
Is where I abide,
Where these pains in my heart,
Can finally hide.
In the shades of the night,
Is where I call home.
For midnights of silence,
When I'm all alone.
In recesses of doom,
Is where daily I sit.
Where when the lights flicker,
They are never relit.
In the cell of solitude,
Is where I am now.
Cut off from the world,
Though I do not know how.
In the soul of your heart,
Where I wish to be,
I pray you hold memories,
Of the ghost that is me.

"The Angel Betrays"

Where once there was a happiness,
There now is solemn mood.
Where once there were night-long chats,
There remains a sulking brood.
The nights are much longer,
Much shorter the days.
My heart has grown colder,
For the angel betrays.
Where once there was love,
There lives only hate.
Where gentle words were whispered,
Is a fear I can't sate.
Immaculate wings clipped,
From dark, wicked ways.
My life is now nothing,
For the angel betrays.
But I will not shed tears,
I embrace my dread fate.
Love, I understand,
Came far too late.
So I walk down these roads,
In God's wretched plays.
And hold my emotions,
For the angel betrays.

"I Don't Know You"

I don't know you,
We've never met before.
Yet there you are, staring at me,
From the flat glass world you call home.
Your eyes accuse me of too many things,
I don't want to look at them anymore.
You hurt my feelings,
Go away,
I don't know you.
There are too many things you're trying to tell me,
That I can't hear because I don't want to.
I'm not listening,
You make me angry,
You make me doubt myself,
I don't know you.
But there you are,
Staring.
Those deep brown eyes pulling me into you,
Where I don't want to be,
Because you hate me,
And I hate you.
I don't know you.
You don't like me anymore,
Staring at me,
From the flat glass world you call home.
You may be my reflection,
But I can't believe,
That you're me.

"Hell"

Is this hell,
This world of jokes and sex?
Are these drugs we smoke at parties
Just drugs?
Or are they demons, wrapped in little white paper?
And do we inhale their evil,
Every time,
We take a drag?
Is this hell?
Where little girls and boys that pretend to be good,
Have sex when nobody's looking?
Do their eyes gleam red in the polaroid,
Because of a trick of light?
Or are they vixens and villains,
Sent by the devil,
Just to seduce us?
Is this hell?
Where the teachers go on strike,
Because they are sick of working long hours?
Are their students just kids,
That don't like homework?
Or are they little horned mongrels,
With fanged teeth and forked tongues,
Who were sent here to torture?
Is this hell?

Where has my angel gone?
Did he finally spread his wings,
Open his eyes,
And join reality?
Where has my angel gone?
I miss his lilting laugh,
His funny jokes,
That only I got.
But now he's conformed to the system,
Of synthetic tears and programmed fears,
And love he thinks is true.
My angel is falling, his feathers are shedding,
I wonder if he even knows.
He's been injected with the wonder-drug,
The amazing herb that is life.
While I am here in my fantasy,
Waiting,
Waiting.
Where has my angel gone?
His laugh belongs to someone else,
And I wonder if she knows,
All the things he told me.
I wonder if she'll ever understand,
The way he truly feels.
Because although I am just a facade,
She is the real fantasy.
I am just a listener,
And a voice that really cares.
A soul that really loves,
A soul deprived.
My angel has spread his wings and turned his back,
On all the things that once were grand,
For the bittersweet reality of life,
And the downfalls of love,
And everything that supposedly is true.
My angel does not know,
And I pray he never will,
That he is slowly falling, his feathers are shedding.
And I am the only one,
The god that will listen,
Because I am the one that truly loves him.
And I pray he will never know.
But my angel has gone away.

"Minutes"

It's been five minutes since I hung up the phone,
Just five minutes since I've been alone.
You ended it all with one simple word,
Goodbye.
It's been six minutes since I called your house,
Just six minutes since I called you a louse.
I guess it all ends with one word,
Goodbye.
It's been ten minutes since I walked out,
Ten minutes since I realized I couldn't take the old route.
Because you had to say that stupid word,
Goodbye.
It's been twenty minutes since I cried,
Just twenty minutes since I lied,
When I told myself I didn't care you said,
Goodbye.
It's been thirty minutes since I got back home,
Just thirty minutes and I'm all alone.
What did I ever see in you?
Goodbye.
It's been forty minutes since I went insane,
Just forty minutes, I can't stand the pain.
I never did deserve you,
Goodbye.
The clock strikes twelve and I feel life,
As I reach my hand out for my knife.
Some things simply don't work out,
Goodbye.

Night rocks me to sleep in my silent cocoon,
I feel its lullabye in my heart and smile.
And dream the dreams that only peace brings,
As I sleep the sleep of a restful child.
The waking world brings stress to my web,
The sunlight is harsh on my gentle eyes.
My spirit is too weak to stand the torment of deception,
My heart is not able to stand up to lies.
But night is a solace to me, where I can close my lids,
And doze away into the blue sea of loneliness
Where I can wander in a world of breezes and dreams,
And never pray for smiles and happiness.
I lick my tired lips as I surrender to this ecstasy,
To the dream world that is mine and mine alone.
I stretch my child's frame and prepare to escape,
For a dream to me is where I feel at home.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the evilest of all?
Little girl me, I know,
It's the only answer to the riddle I face every day,
No truth in lies, no lies in me,
There is no reality in my painted world.
Gods and demons, why the hell do I bother?
They're just manifestations of an idle brain, a child's mind.
Oh little girl me, I know,
I know so little and think so slow.
Makeup drips down my cheeks in a pool on my breast,
I scratch jagged lines in my ravaged face with nails I cannot feel,
I pray for rain and die in sunshine,
I hope for sin and sin for hope,
I know nothing that is anything.
Oh little girl me, I know,
Just a demon in a witch's clothes.
Cast a stone, you hypocrites,
Light a match and watch me burn.
You don't see my tears, my fears, my anything,
See what you believe,
Hate what you fear,
And turn away from the truth.

Look, honey, my wrist is smiling,
All because of you.
There's no fucking way I'll smile,
So this will have to do.
Watch me waste away, my dear,
Watch me slowly die,
Watch me lose my innocence,
Watch me as I cry.
You don't really care, my dear,
I know you really don't.
I'd ask you for some help, my dear,
But I know that you won't.
Wasting away so slowly now,
The pain is like a salve.
Erasing all the shit I feel,
Deleting all the now.
Take me away from this place, dear,
This wretched prison cell.
I want to go back home, my dear,
I want to go back to hell.

The dark road went on forever,
December breeze, windy freeze.
Chilling my ass off in the night,
Looking for my last ciagerette.
Gravel crunching under my boots,
Windswept howls on the moonlight,
Cries of children carry far,
And I'm just looking for a way to go.
Get me away from all this madness,
Get me out of this fucking hole.
There's no need for any sympathy,
I don't need it anymore.
Hair blown back in the darkness,
Eyes glinting hard against the cold.
I saw Satan in the moonlight,
And he asked me for a cigarette.
And yeah, the dark road went on forever,
There was no end to the path.
I learned out there, that I didn't give a damn,
And nothing was worth loving.
When you've danced with the devil in the moonlight,
You'll finally see what I mean.
But you're just a gawking civilian,
Unflowered, unscarred, unbroken.
May your fucked up American morals live through you,
Into eternity,
To hell and back.

Sometimes I just want to scream,
Tear my posters from my wall,
Put a blade to my wrist and end it.
But there's no time for that,
For those silly girl thoughts.
I'm a mature woman here,
Gotta live up to expectations,
No time to end it all when there's,
So damn much to do.
I have a book report and a meeting,
A vacation and a date,
There's no time for sadness in America,
No time for lonliness in Hell.
But sometimes I want to cry,
Yell at the stars for their apathy,
Nobody loves me, nobody cares!
Sometimes I want to just die forever,
Keep dying and dying and dying until,
Forgiveness embraces me,
Like it never will.

You thought you were one cool cat,
Thought the world was on your back,
You didn't give a fuck for me,
Not a single fuck for me.
You thought that nobody ever cared,
And you figured you'd conform,
You never heard my screams,
No you never heard my screams.
You think you've got a bunch of boys,
That'll always play your game,
But baby, you don't see,
You're just a baby, don't you see?
I'd kill you if I could,
But you're still too damned close,
In my heart you may just reign,
Though you always bring me pain.
I don't give a fuck for you,
And this I'll always say,
You don't give a fuck for me,
And I guess I'll never see.

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